Shifting Perspective as a Way to Get Unstuck in a Negotiation
Shifting Perspective as a Way to Get Unstuck in a Negotiation

It has happened to all of us as lawyers. We have the perfect position. It is solid not only legally, but also factually. And even if you throw the law and the facts out the window, the only logical and practical outcome is clearly the way that you see it. Everything is going in your direction.

Enter opposing counsel.

And a litany of new facts.
Maybe your legal precedent is not as convincing anymore, but not to worry. Your position is still solid, and you would take your position over your opponent’s any day of the week.

Fast forward to the negotiation.
By now, your position has only grown stronger in your own mind. And you may be entirely right. But here’s the rub—if the other side doesn’t see it the same way, your client may find themselves facing the time, expense, and uncertainty of litigation. The path you thought was clear suddenly feels more like a standoff.

As lawyers, it’s easy to fall in love with our own positions. We’re trained to build the best arguments and advocate zealously for our clients. That’s what clients hire us to do. That’s what we expect of ourselves. But clients also want resolution. They want to move forward, avoid unnecessary legal fees, and—especially in emotionally charged areas like family law—reduce conflict.

This is where flexible thinking becomes essential. The danger of becoming too enamored with our own arguments is that we can lose the ability to see other avenues to resolution. The more entrenched we are, the narrower the pathway to a solution becomes.

Flexible Thinking and the Power of Shifting Perspective
Flexible thinking asks us to do something deceptively simple but profoundly difficult: step outside of ourselves and consider other points of view. It means asking: What am I missing?What does the other side see that I don’t?What would a neutral third party—like a judge—think of this situation?

When we fall in love with our own arguments, we risk focusing solely on convincing others that we’re right. But what if we’re not? What if being “right” doesn’t actually get our client what they want or need? Shifting perspective helps us move from a positional mindset, where we cling to a fixed outcome, to a needs-based mindset. And that’s where true resolution lies.

Seasoned negotiators know resolution isn’t about winning every point. It’s about ensuring that everyone’s core needs and concerns are addressed. People can agree to disagree on plenty—what matters is whether the agreement meets their underlying interests.

Shifting your perspective also allows you to test your theory of the case and conduct a realistic risk assessment. Could you be overlooking something critical? Could a judge see things differently than you or your client? In family law, where discretion plays a large role, this is always a possibility.

Questions to Help You Shift Perspective
If you find yourself stuck in negotiation—or simply want to sanity-check your approach—consider asking yourself:

  • If I were representing the other side, what would I see as my best outcome, and why?
  • What is a court likely to do in this situation?
  • What risks might my client not be thinking about right now?
  • If this were my sibling, best friend, or someone I care deeply about, what would I tell them to consider?

These questions can help you step out of your own viewpoint and see the landscape more fully.

For clients facing these difficult decisions, similar perspective-shifting questions can be invaluable:

  • How does the other side view this issue? Even if I’m right, what motivates them to settle?
  • What will be most important to me 3, 5, or 10 years from now?
  • Where will my children be in 3, 5, or 10 years, and how will this decision affect them?
  • What is truly driving my decision right now? Does it align with the goals I set at the beginning of this process?

These aren’t magic questions that produce instant answers or perfect solutions. Instead, they are designed to help move the decision-making process from an emotional, reactive place to a thoughtful, problem-solving space.

The Role of Emotion—and the Lawyer’s Role in Guiding Toward Reason
When people are in conflict, especially in emotionally charged matters like divorce, their thinking often becomes focused on immediate consequences rather than long-term solutions. Decisions can start to come from the emotional brain rather than the logical, rational part. This is understandable—divorce, custody, and financial disputes touch on core values, fears, and hopes.

As counsel, our job is to guide clients toward decisions grounded in logic, reason, and a realistic assessment of what could happen in court. That doesn’t mean stripping away emotion entirely, but it does mean keeping the conversation within the bounds of what is reasonable and achievable.
And part of keeping ourselvesand our clientsin that space means checking our own perspective. Are we staying flexible? Are we helping the client see the full picture, or are we unintentionally reinforcing a tunnel vision that will ultimately cost them more?

There’s an old saying: “Not always right, but never in doubt.”

That’s not the lawyer anyone wants to be. Confidence is critical, but so is humility—the humility to recognize when shifting your view might open the door to a better outcome.